


I'll watch over you

by DeadlyKittenKay (PrettyBlueIz)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 18:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10668078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyBlueIz/pseuds/DeadlyKittenKay
Summary: Dean doesn't believe in the supernatural crap like ghost it even angels. Castiel made a promise to watch over him.





	I'll watch over you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Knowmefirst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knowmefirst/gifts).



> This was written when I saw a still of Jensen/Dean from the cursed ballerina episode and from a converstaion knowmefirst and I had.
> 
> I literally wrote this on my phone at work. I hope you enjoy. Or something.

He watched as the sleek black car pulled up behind the limo. He wasn’t really surprised to see it there. Given the choice, he probably would have done the same. After all, the memories that were created within the metal and four doors, would hopefully bring her passengers peace or a small semblance of comfort.  
  
Only one door of the vehicle opens. Instinct tells him to hide further in the shadows, to hide behind the tree, but he can feel the pull towards the man currently stepping out of the classical Chevy Impala. Habit makes him hold his breath. _Dean_ , his thoughts scream. Castiel aches to hold him, comfort him, to bring him peace.   
  
He watches as Dean moves to the passenger side, something the man has done numerous of times. Always the gentleman that would hold the door for his love. A small smile graces his lips, a memory of the quick chaste kisses Dean would give to him before sliding into the passenger seat.  Dean ducks down, reaching for something before he closes the door and walks towards the limo in front.   
  
Castiel’s family starts to emerge from the limo. First his brother Jimmy. He fights back a laugh at sight. His twin, always the more put together of the two, is dressed in his familiar blue suit and tie. His dark hair, neatly trimmed and combed back, a direct contrast to Castiel’s own longer and untamed style. But that wasn’t what made him want to laugh. It was the tan coat. The long trench coat hung down to midway Jimmy’s calves. The coat looks just like the one Castiel used to have, back when he and Dean were first dating. He and Dean, even if he would deny it, loved that coat. It’s a shame it was destroyed.   
  
After Jimmy gets out, Castiel’s niece follows. She too looked the same but different. She looked older in her pencil skirt and blouse. She sees Dean and immediately embraces him. Jimmy takes the wooden box as Dean returns Claire’s embrace, soothing her as she cries into her uncle’s chest. Castiel is comforted by the fact that Jimmy and Claire are there for Dean and he for them. That was his biggest fear when he felt his own heart slow to a stop. He was more worried what would happen to Dean if he were to leave him that way. Walking out on Dean, sadly was a form of abandonment he was accustomed to, something that Castiel had sworn that first day they met, he would never do. But to leave him, so suddenly, so permanently; Castiel feared for that it would be the thing to break him, after all it had been thirty-five years since the death of his mother and Dean still relived that night.   
  
Castiel shudders, not from the frosty air that surrounds him, that doesn’t bother him, but from the memory of what brought them here. He knows, much like the death of his mother, Dean will carry the guilt of what happened to Castiel on his shoulders. That he will live with blame, no matter how much his brother Sam, Jimmy or even Officer Mills will tell him it wasn’t his fault.   
  
Castiel’s heart breaks more when he sees Dean place a kiss on his niece’s head. Even from here, Castiel can see the red and bloodshot green eyes as he fights back tears, always needing to be the strong one.   
  
He moves along the shadows as he watches Dean. Dressed smartly in the suit Castiel had bought him from Christmas two years back. The tie, a familiar blue stripe silk causes a smile to grace Castiel's lips. That was his tie and to see it paired with the suit and the long winter coat made him wish he had seen it before today. Dean always did clean up nicely, but honestly, Castiel loved this look as much as he loved Dean in ratty jeans, well-worn shirts, sweaty and covered in engine grease.   
  
Castiel’s not surprised by the low numbers. He can hear someone blame the weather. “No one wants to bury a loved one in the snow.” “It’s not that he’s not loved, it’s just too cold.” “There’s a storm coming, do you blame them?”   
  
He knows that he wasn’t everyone’s ‘cup of tea’. He was reserved and socially awkward, often telling Dean that his people skills were rusty. He’s not at all offended by who isn’t there. Dean sits up front with Jimmy and Claire. Claire’s small hand clings to Dean’s larger one as her head rests upon her father’s shoulder. Dean clutches the wooden box, closer to him as his eyes look everywhere but at the casket in front of him. Just as Pastor Gideon moves to address the loved ones gathered, Castiel sees Dean physically relax and he looks in the same direction to see Sam, Jodi Mills and Donna Hanscum walking towards them. Pastor Gideon waits as the three take their places.   
  
“Death, no matter who is impacted by it is never something we look forward to, or expect. Such is the case of Castiel James Novak. God has graced me with the privilege to share his word with Castiel and in return, I got to the privilege to watch this child of God grow. I’ve watched him learn and flourish. Make friends and find himself. Face those who spew hate as if he, himself where the shield of God’s love. I’ve even watched him find something we all seek. Love.” Pastor Gideon gives Dean a confirming smile.  
  
“Castiel was one of the rare ones, the ones who could truly look at humanity and see our potential and still loved his fellow man. Having spoken to both his brother James, and husband Dean, I learned that he had loved a particular passage. A part of this passage was even used as his and Dean’s wedding vows and with Dean’s permission, I wish to share this with you.”   
  
Castiel watched Dean look down to the box in his lap. Sam has his arm around his brother. Funny, Castiel thinks, how the little brother comforting his big brother it looks reversed.   
  
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”   
  
“Love is patient, love is kind.” As Pastor Gideon reads, Dean looks up in Castiel’s direction. Castiel knows he can’t see him, however he can’t help but feel as if it was the first time their eyes caught each other. “It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”   
  
_As will we_ , Castiel thinks, finishing their wedding vows as Dean mouths the promise as well.   
  
“Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”   
  
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”   
  
Once Pastor Gideon was done reading the passage as well as saying a final prayer, family and friends were able to say their final goodbyes. Castiel watches as his little family embraces each other, making promises to see each other later, slowly leaving Dean on his own.   
  
Castiel moves closer to Dean. That ache to touch him and hold him stronger, but he can never reach out. He can get a closer look at the box Dean clutches to him. If he could find his voice he would tease Dean for the gesture. He knows the sentiment behind it, but Dean would never admit to having something like the Quebracho wooden box, let alone the fact that he had it specially made on their trip to South America. Castiel remembers fondly, the way Dean had asked the Brazilian woman to not only create the box but to burn their initials into the reddish brown grains. Dean eventually told Castiel that he wanted that particular wood because it was like their relationship, the strongest known to man. Again, Dean would never admit to it, but he was quiet the romantic when it strikes his fancy.   
  
Dean opens the box, full of folded papers and various pictures. Slowly he looks through the pictures first, some Castiel had never seen before, pictures of himself as the main focal point doing various tasks such as reading, cooking, gardening. Even some of him eating and sleeping. Other’s he recalls, photo booth pictures of the both of them from their first date at the county fair which resulted in their first kiss. Castiel still believes Dean planned that, considering there were three strips of this kiss alone. More pictures of Castiel playing with Claire. Castiel and Jimmy laughing while enjoying a beer. And selfies of him and Dean. They are stereotypical, standing in line, at the movies, at dinner. Even a few of the one not taking the picture kissing the others cheek.   
  
Dean comes to their wedding picture. Both men in their formal wear, staring into each other’s eyes. Small smiles that look as if they hold a thousand secrets behind closed lips. Another of them dancing, Castiel’s head on Dean’s shoulder as he looks down at him. The softest smile, Castiel can recall ever seeing on Dean’s face.   
  
Once he’s done flipping through the pictures, he starts to read the letters. These letters are from Dean to Castiel. Quick short strokes of the pen line page after page of longing and separation. The papers are worn and obvious that they have been read multiple times. Some even have smudge marks from tears either of them shared.   
  
There’s one that Castiel can’t recall. The paper brighter than the others, the folds stiffer. Dean unfolds it and clears his throat.   
  
“So uh, you know I don’t believe in the supernatural shit,” he says softly, his voice rougher then the smoke and whiskey baritone Castiel was used too. “But I think if Mom was right, then you have to be an angel watching over me right now,” he voice shakes as his eyes fill with tears again.   
  
“So, uh… Cas, I hope you can hear me, man.” He wipes at his cheek as the paper in his hand shakes.   
  
“I’m gonna read this for you. So just listen okay?” Dean asks then chuckles sadly. Castiel moves to sit in the spot Sam had once occupied so that he could be on Dean’s left hand side.   
  
Dean clears his throat once more and begins.   
  
“Cas. It doesn’t feel right not writing this to you. I know you’re gone. I don’t like it. I hate it. But I know that’s life. So I wanted to stick with tradition and write to you. I should have protected you better. I shouldn’t have taken us to that lousy restaurant with their crappy food. It’s my fault you got sick. I so sorry, Cas. Had I known, I would have suggested we stayed home, ordered take out and stayed in bed. But no, I had to try that stupid new Thai place.” Dean lets out a shaky breath. “Failed you, Cas. I promised that I would always protect you. And I didn't.”

Dean's head drops down, his chin in his chest as the sobs ripping from him shakes his body. Castiel can hear the apologies and the begging for him to come back. If he could, Castiel would be crying along side Dean.

 _I will always love you, Dean_. Castiel tries his best to hug his grieving love.

Dean's sobs quiet down almost instantly. “Wait for me, Cas?” he asks.

For the second time today Castiel's breath it's caught in his throat as Dean turns his beautiful green eyes in Castiel's direction. Out of habit, Castiel's hand cups Dean's face, the desire to press their lips together one more time is so strong.

“I'll never forget you, Cas.” Dean says softly, closing the items in the box. It's then that Castiel sees the funeral director has opened his casket and he watches as Dean leaves their box inside.

_I watch over you, Dean._

~*~*~

Dean's not sure why, but he has the nagging feeling to look back at the plot for his husband's final resting place. He's still bitter that a drunk driver took away his soulmate as they celebrated the approval to expand their family through adoption. Now he can't even think of going home without Castiel, let alone children.

Dean looks back to see the groundsmen lower the casket to the grown. The sight of it making his heart twist in agony. He can't do it anymore. He needs to get back to Sammy before they think he's done something stupid.

Dean gets behind the wheel if his baby and strokes the empty passenger seat. Cas should be there besides him. Laughing at his singing, holding his hand to his thigh, and telling him about his day. But he's not. And he never will be again.

With a shaky breath, he's starts the Impala. As baby roars to life then purrs at idle, Dean glances in the rearview mirror where he sees a man with disheveled hair, a backwards blue tie and dirty trench coat wave. Dean is frozen in his spot as big black wings spread out behind him.

 _I'll watch over you, Dean_ , he hears in Castiel's voice as the image in the mirror disappeared to what Dean swears was the sound of wings.   


**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: i feel dirty doing that to Cas. I'm sorry. Find me on tumblr (deadlykittenkay) and I'll share Misha/Cas and cockles things with you to make it up


End file.
